Moving a parent into aged care: sorting the family home

When a parent moves into an aged care home, only a small part of the family home goes with them. My Aged Care says the home provides the furniture and furnishings, and residents can often bring their own small items, so start with the new room: ask for its measurements and the home's list of what can come. Choose those things first, with your parent. Then sort the rest of the house in short sessions, and get financial advice before deciding what happens to the home itself.

Start with the new room

My Aged Care's checklist for choosing a home includes how the rooms are furnished, whether you would need to bring any of your own furniture, and how big the bedroom you're interested in is. Get those answers in writing, with measurements if you can. A bedroom is a fraction of a family home, and knowing the exact space turns every later decision from "what should Mum give up" into "what fits".

My Aged Care also suggests applying to more than one home you like, and says you don't have to accept an offer. That matters for the sorting: the room you plan around may change, so don't give away the favourite chair until you know where it is going.

What to take

Each home sets its own guidelines, so treat this as a starting list to check with the home:

• A favourite chair, if the home allows it and it fits
• Photos, a few pictures for the walls, and a small album
• A familiar quilt or throw
• Clothes for every season, labelled, and enough for the laundry cycle
• A small number of meaningful ornaments rather than a whole cabinet
• Glasses, hearing aids, medications list and important contacts

Lay the chosen items out in one room of the family home first. If it looks crowded on the floor of a spare room, it will be crowded in a single bedroom.

Who to tell

My Aged Care says to let any current providers, such as home support services, know about the move, and that you may also need to tell government departments and other authorities. Its contact centre is on 1800 200 422, Monday to Friday 8am to 8pm and Saturday 10am to 2pm. Mail redirection to the new address, or to a family member, is worth arranging early.

The rest of the house

Once the room is settled, the rest of the house can be sorted at a gentler pace. The process is the same as any downsize:

• Family first. Photograph furniture and keepsakes and let siblings say what they would like, with a deadline.
• Papers to keep. Wills, property papers, super and insurance documents, and tax records. The ATO asks individuals to keep tax records for five years from lodgement.
• Donate and sell. Vinnies NSW takes furniture pick-up bookings online, subject to availability.
• Bulky items. On the Northern Beaches, mainland households can pre-book two council collections within 12 months. See our Northern Beaches bulky goods guide or the North Shore council clean-up guide.

Keep your parent involved as far as they want to be. It is still their home and their belongings, even if they have already moved.

The home itself

Whether the family home is kept, rented out or sold can change pension entitlements and aged care fees, and the right answer differs from family to family. My Aged Care recommends getting financial advice before deciding how to pay for the room. Services Australia's Financial Information Service is free and independent: call 132 300 and ask for the Financial Information Service. Its officers explain the options but don't give personal financial advice, so a financial adviser may still be needed. Clearing and sorting the house can go ahead while that decision is made.

Helping a parent who is not ready

• They decide. Offer choices between two things rather than asking them to give things up.
• Short sessions. Two hours with a clear stopping point beats a weekend that ends in tears.
• Stories, then decisions. Let them tell you about an object before asking what happens to it. A photo of a large piece can be kept when the piece can't.
• A neutral person helps. Siblings often disagree about what Mum or Dad would want. Someone outside the family lowers the temperature.

If the move follows a death in the family, our guide to clearing a deceased estate covers the executor's steps.